To the Young Man Who Raped Our Daughter at College:


Tonic Immobility. We bet you do not know what that is. If you did, you would know that our daughter’s temporary paralysis was a result of you sexually assaulting her. To freeze was her response for the sake of survival when faced with the fear and physical restraint you put on her.

We think you had this rape planned the whole evening. Our daughter, who never wants anyone left out, included you in their group activities after you asked if you could join. She has told us no alcohol was involved, and the group of kids, including you, ended up at her place. We wish all those other young men and women had not ended up leaving you alone with our daughter, but as the night grew later the kids left. We know you had this planned—to find yourself alone with her, so you could attack her—because she told us that is exactly what happened as soon as the last person left.

Our daughter is dismayed with her response. She always thought she would fight off a rapist. But her response of tonic immobility is typical of most rape victims.

The justice system is not kind to victims of rape, and our daughter has chosen at this time to not report you. We support her in this difficult decision. However, you should be scared -scared because she knows you, knows how to reach you, and knows that at any time she can decide to report what happened. If she does decide to report it, there may be other women who will come forward who were raped by you. They will find you and hold you accountable.

Our daughter is strong. She will not let this rape define her or destroy her. Her trust in men is broken but we have assured her there are decent men out there who are romantic, loving, caring, kind, gentle, and would never force themselves on a woman. She did not fight you off as she thought she would nor try to flee -another natural response for survival. The fact that she froze does not mean she wanted to have sex with you.

Your desire to control and overpower a woman for sex is pitiful. Your shallowness and predatory manner is sickening. Fortunately, our daughter has many close friends that know what happened, are supportive, and as a group can enlist each other to stay safe so something like this does not ever happen again. Your despicable behavior will not cause our daughter to lose her dignity. We are proud that she continues to hold her head high, and we will continue to support her in however she chooses to handle this crime.

You need to know that a woman’s temporary paralysis during sexual assault prevents her from saying “no”, so it is rape. What happened to our daughter was in no way consensual. It was tonic immobility. It was rape.

From: Angry Papa Bear & Mama Bear Parents

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